How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
