You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
