dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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