if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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