A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize