just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
