yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
wow bdsm is so cute
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
