Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
