every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
