Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
