K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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