i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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