Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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