Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
