I want to make a zoo with you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
