oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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