I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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