If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
