He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
As shirtless as possible
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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