No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
