Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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