Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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