I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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