I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
