I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
