i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
