you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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