the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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