Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love having hate sex.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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