i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
