Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
