about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize