Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
