She's JV to your varsity
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I love how my cats smell like pot.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
