O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
