Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
