so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
