Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need help removing her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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