his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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