P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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