Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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