Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
