Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
