Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
