I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
