I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
