Your mouth is God's brothel.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
