Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
