she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Damn victory sex feels great
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
