My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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