When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
