does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
