My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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