I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
