so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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