Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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