I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
