I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
