Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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