I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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