end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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