Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
