i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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