He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
