She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
