Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
