census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
