I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
