She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
