Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
whose parrot is this?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
