It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
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Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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