Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
