once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
