dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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