Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
